What did the man say to his dead vacuum? 'You suck.'

Why did the woman break up with the photographer? He always focused on the negatives.

I asked my wife if she wanted to hear a joke about a chair. She said it would only take a seat.

Why did the man bring a beach ball to his date? He wanted to keep things light and breezy.

What's a cell phone's favorite type of date? A charger.

How does a vampire flirt? He shows some necks-level affection.

I told my husband he should try stand-up comedy. He said our relationship was already enough of a joke.

Why did the man bring a skateboard to his date? He heard things were about to get rolling.

Why did the man propose to the baker? Because he kneaded her in his life.

Why did the woman break up with the shoe? It had too many heels to climb.

Why did the woman break up with the chef? He couldn't take the heat.

How do you know if your partner is a magician? They always disappear when things get tough.

I told my wife she should embrace her imperfections. She gave me a hug wearing a mask.

Why did the man bring a map to his date? He heard she was far from boring.

What's a pirate's favorite dating app? Plenty of Fish.

Why did the woman break up with the lemon? It was too bitter for her taste.

I told my husband he should start doing yoga to relax. He said bending over backwards for me was enough.

Why don't skeletons ever date? Because they don't have the guts.

Why did the woman break up with the astronaut? He needed space too often.

What do you call a snowman in love? Frostbite.

Why did the husband bring a telescope to his date? He wanted to see things from a different perspective.