My wife told me she'll slam the door in my face if I didn't stop making bad jokes. I don't see what the big deal is, I've got the key to get back in!

I told my girlfriend she should embrace her inner child. So she threw a tantrum and and then took a nap.

Why did the man bring a trash can to his date? He heard the relationship was garbage.

My wife said she'll leave me if I don't do the laundry better. I said, 'Fine, I'll pack your bags.'

Why did the woman break up with the calendar? She saw too many dates.

My wife always complains that I never listen to her. Or at least that's what I think she said, I was busy doing something else.

What did the koala say when he broke up with his eucalyptus tree girlfriend? 'It's time to branch out.'

Why did the man bring a carpet to his date? He wanted to sweep her off her feet.

Why did the man bring a chessboard to his date? He heard he needed to make strategic moves.

What did the wife say to the husband who asked for more space in the bed? 'Get your own galaxy.'

Why don't bakers trust anyone? They knead the dough first before they can trust.

My girlfriend told me she wanted to break up but I don't see why, opposites attract - I'm down for whatever.

Why did the woman bring her dog to her date? She wanted a 'pawsitive' experience.

Why did the man bring a map on his date? He heard they were going places.

Why did the boy bring a ladder to his girlfriend's house? He heard she's a high maintenance girl.

Why do men like to fall in love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.

Why do girlfriends break up with mathematicians? They can't handle the division.

I realized my girlfriend was a keeper when she started putting up with all my soccer puns.

Why did the boy bring an empty calendar to his date? He wanted to make sure they had lots of time together.

Why did the woman bring a pencil to her date? She heard he was a great sketch.

Why did the boy bring a ladder to his date? He heard the relationship was on the rocks.