I tried to take a picture of my girlfriend. It didn't work, she's just too photogenic.

Why did the woman bring a ladder to her date? She heard he was a step above the rest.

Why do ghosts love dating? Because Love is forever.

My husband and I share the load equally - I cook, he eats.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person - especially if they have the credit card.

Dating a tennis player is a good idea - love means nothing to them.

My wife told me to go to the gym. I asked her, 'What treadmill? We only have a bed and a couch.'

My girlfriend said she wants to be more like a computer, to stop crashing when I need her the most.

My husband claims he's a master of multi-tasking. He can be asleep and snoring while ignoring me all at the same time.

I'm starting a new dating service for chickens - it's called 'Hatch.com'.

My wife asked me if I ever fantasize about other women. I said, 'No, I prefer to live in reality with unrealistic expectations.'

Why did the couple break up before their wedding? She found out he was a commitment-phobe and he found out she was a bridezilla.

After our first date, my girlfriend whispered, 'I love you.' I said, 'Sorry, I think you have the wrong number.'

My wife is like our Wi-Fi signal - she disappears when I need her the most.

I asked my wife to let me know when she finishes getting ready so we could leave. She replied, 'You'll know when you hear the hairdryer turn off.'

Why do relationships always start with a date? Because it's the easiest way to make sure you're getting what you ordered.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to see a movie. She said, 'Sure, which one are you and your couch watching tonight?'

My girlfriend asked me what it would take to make me truly happy. I said, 'More space in the closet for all my shoes.'

Why did the tomato break up with the celery? It couldn't handle the stalk-ing.

Why did the couple go to therapy? They needed to resolve their comic sans-ations.

Why did the ghost go on a date? He was feeling boo-tiful.