I told my husband I want to try something new in the bedroom. He brought home a new pillow.

I bought a thesaurus to try and improve my relationship, but it didn't help. Our communication is still terrible.

My husband said he wanted to have a superhero-themed wedding. I said, 'Fine, I'll be The Invisible Woman.'

I tried to impress my date by telling her that I have a PhD in horoscopes. She wasn't impressed. Apparently, that's not a real thing.

I want to start a new dating app specifically for chickens. I'll call it 'Tender'.

My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more spontaneous, so I showed up to her work unannounced. She wasn't as thrilled as I thought she'd be.

Relationships are a lot like yard sales. You think you know what you're getting into, but then you end up with someone else's junk.

I accidentally called my wife 'Mom' the other day. It was awkward. Especially since we don't have any kids.

I think my girlfriend is starting to get fed up with my Star Wars references. So I told her, 'May divorce be with you.'

Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired! Just like some relationships.

I told my wife she should try telekinesis. She should have seen it coming!

I told my wife she should do more cardio. She skipped rope in excitement!

I asked my wife if she wanted to go on a date to see a comedy. She said, “I'm already married to one.”

I told my wife that I was on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!

I told my wife that I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. She said, “Oh, I bet you woke up exhausted!”

Why did the couple go to the seafood restaurant for their anniversary? They wanted to strengthen their muscles.

Why did the girl break up with the gardener? He was too controlling.

Why did the pencil break up with the eraser? It couldn't handle the mistakes being erased.

Why did the girl bring a ruler to the relationship? To measure how long it would last.

Why did the grapefruit break up with the orange? It couldn't handle the zestiness.

Why did the couple decide to break up at the beach? They wanted to let the waves wash their problems away.