Why did the man bring a map to bed? In case he lost his way in the sheets.

Why did the couple break up at the math party? They couldn't find a common denominator.

What does a bee call his spouse? Honey.

Why did the man get hit on the head with a can of soda? Because he asked his wife if she was a 'sprite' and she thought he was calling her fat.

What did the calculator say to the student who couldn't solve the math problem? 'You can count on me.'

Why did the man propose to his girlfriend at the bank? Because he wanted to make a joint account.

Why do programmers prefer relationships to be offline? Because love is a commitment, not an API.

Why did the two peanuts go to couples therapy? They had a lot of issues to shell out.

Why did the boy bring a ruler to bed? To see how long he slept.

Why did the girl sit on the clock during her date? She wanted to be on time.

I recently started dating a baker. It's going really well, she brings a lot of dough into the relationship.

Why did the scarecrow break up with the pillow? It was always too soft for him.

How do you know if someone is a true dog lover? They have a 'ruff' time in relationships.

Why did the pencil go to the doctor? It had too many 'points'.

Why did the tomato refuse to fight the salad? It saw the dressing.

Why did the tree break up with the bush? It needed some time to branch out.

Why did the beach chair break up with the umbrella? It needed some shade in the relationship.

Why did the baker break up with the dough? It was always kneading something more.

Why did the cat break up with the dog? It just couldn't handle the constant chasing.

Why did the sunglasses break up with the hat? It felt like it was always being overshadowed.

Why did the TV break up with the remote? It needed some control in the relationship.