Relationships are like a good book. If you skip too many chapters, you might miss the climax.

My boyfriend tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time.

My girlfriend called me a pedant. I said, 'I think you mean pendant.'

Why did the romantic lighting break up? It couldn't handle the spotlight.

I told my wife she should do squats for a better butt. Now she won't talk to me. Guess I really stepped in it.

I started dating a baker, but she was too kneady.

My girlfriend said she wanted a break. So I turned off the air conditioner.

My wife told me she's leaving me because I'm too obsessed with astronomy. What planet is she living on?

Why did the man ask his wife to draw him a bath? He couldn't locate the pencil.

I told my wife she should try yoga to reduce stress. She said I should try cooking to reduce hunger.

Why did the computer break up with the printer? It refused to connect the dots.

Why did the couple break up during math class? They couldn't solve their problems.

Why do programmers make good partners? They know how to codepend.

Why did the man propose to his dentist? He wanted to put a ring on it.

Why did the woman break up with the gardener? He was always digging up the past.

Why did the girl bring a ladder to her date? She heard he was falling for her.

Why don't scientists trust atoms when they're alone? They make bad relationships.

What's a vampire's favorite type of ship? Relationship.

Why don't oysters donate to charity? They are shellfish.

Why did the couple break up at the beach? One of them just couldn't handle the waves.

Why did the scarecrow and the zombie get along so well? Because they both like someone with a little body and nobody in it.