What is God's favorite type of car? A Prius, because it's both environmentally friendly and quiet - just like Moses when he split the Red Sea!

Why did the preacher go to the gym? To work on his preacher curls!

Why did the nun buy a new computer? She heard it had great 'holy' graphics!

What is a priest's favorite type of music? Gospel!

Why did the monk refuse anesthesia before his surgery? He wanted to transcend dental medication!

Why did the Buddhist refuse to vacuum the house? Because he didn't want to cause any attachments!

Why did the Dalai Lama refuse to use Twitter? He didn't want to follow anyone!

How does the Pope greet people on Halloween? Holy-ween!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta, just like Judas betrayed Jesus with a fake kiss!

Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks, just like St. Peter playing drums in heaven!

What do you call a group of chess players bragging about their wins in church? Chessnuts boasting in an open foyer!

How do you organize a space party tailored for Muslims? You planet according to the lunar calendar!

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired of going to church on Sundays!

Why did Jonah refuse to play hide and seek with the other prophets? Because he always gets swallowed up!

Why did the cow go to church? It wanted to hear a 'moo'-ving sermon!

How do you start a service for tech-savvy priests? By pressing Ctrl+Alt+Delete for confession!

Why don't angels play baseball? Because they always hit foul balls!

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite, just like how sin bites us spiritually!

Why was the golfer a bad companion? Because he was always putting around!

What do you get when you combine a snowman and a zombie? A frostbite!

Why did the jellybean go to school? Because it wanted to be a smartie!