Whenever I undress in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on. Who knew I was so attractive!

Why did the tomato turn to religion? It wanted to become a pastor salad.

What do you call a group of tree worshippers? Branch dividers.

Why did the lettuce go to church? To pray for a bountiful harvest.

How does a vampire keep track of religious holidays? With a bat calendar.

What do you call a priest who becomes a detective? Father Dowling.

Why did the scarecrow get promoted in the church? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why do monks always carry umbrellas? In case of prayers.

What do you call a nun who sleeps too much? A lazy sister.

Why did the pastor switch to a diet of only seafood? He wanted to be a fisher of men.

How does a chicken organize a religious gathering? With a pecking order.

Why did the football team go to church before the game? They wanted to tackle their opponents with prayer.

What's a pirate's favorite religious tradition? The arrr-men.

Why did the atheist bring a ruler to church? To measure his disbelief.

What do you call a nun who is also a chef? The holy cook.

Why don't skeletons go to church? They have no body to bring.

What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer.

Did you hear about the nun who quit her job at the bakery? She just couldn't take the kneading anymore.

How do nuns stay in shape? They pray-sise.

Why did the priest go to the baseball game? He heard they were playing the psalms.

Why did the magician never perform for the religious crowd? Every time he did, they would just say 'Hallelujah, it's magic!'