Why did the pastor carry a pencil to bed? In case he had a 'holy' dream.

What do you call a religious squirrel? A Holy Roller.

What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.

Why did the nun go to the post office? To send a message from Heaven.

How do you organize a space party for religious figures? You planet.

Why did the monk bring a map to the monastery? He wanted to find his whey.

Why did the preacher switch to decaf? He didn't want to be high on the Holy Spirit.

What do you get when you cross a nun and a boxer? A pious punch.

Why did the Dalai Lama refuse dessert? He didn't want to gain any karmalories.

Why don't skeletons go to church? Because they have no body to go with.

How do you know if someone is a vegetarian Buddhist? Don't worry, they'll tell you.

Why do Bible characters never get lost? They always follow the Scripture.

What's a pirate's favorite Bible verse? 'The Lord is my captain, I shall not be sunk.'

Why did the monk get kicked out of his online gaming group? He kept trying to 'convert' the enemies.

What do you call a Roman soldier who makes jokes in the temple? A pun-itent.

How did Noah keep in touch with his followers? He used his ark-angel network.

Why did Noah only fish in the afternoon? He didn't want to get caught in the flood tide.

How does the Pope like his pizza? Holy and extra sacramental.

Why did the religious tomato refuse to hang out with the other vegetables? It didn't want to end up in a stew.

What do you get when you cross a nun and a poodle? A holy roller.

Why don't we ever play hide and seek with religious leaders? They always find God first.