Why do Dalmatians make terrible priests? They can't stop peeing on the holy fire hydrants.

Why can’t Jesus play hockey? He keeps getting nailed to the boards.

Why did Noah only choose pairs of animals to go on the Ark? Because he couldn’t find a whale that could fit on board.

Why did the atheist throw his clock out the window? He wanted to see if time flies when you’re having fun.

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Three, but they're really just one.

What did God say after creating man? I can do better.

Why did the vegan go to church? To hear a lentil sermon.

Why don't angels have internet access? They don't like the idea of 'heavenly' Wi-Fi.

Why did the pastor bring a ladder to the sermon? He wanted to take his preaching to a higher level.

Why couldn't the computer get into heaven? It had too many viruses.

How does a priest make holy water? He boils the Hell out of it.

Why did the zombie go to church? For some body of Christ.

What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A neck-tarine.

What do you call a group of church musicians? The organ-ized crime.

Why did the atheist's car keep stalling? It had a problem with 'faith' not found.

How do you teach a fish to pray? You drop it in the water and say Grace.

Why did the chicken join a religion? It heard they had wings.

What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare-line.

Why did the nun never go to the bakery? She had a gluten allergy: she only eats 'holy' bread!

Why did the penguin refuse to be baptized? He didn't want to get cold feet.

What do you call a nun who just opened her own bakery? A 'sweet sister'.