What did the atheist say when he was asked for directions? I don't believe in signs.

Why did the golfer bring extra pants to the course? In case he got a hole in one.

What do you call a group of musical birds? A tweet harmony.

Why did the knight go to the doctor? He had a splitting headache.

What did the Dalmatian say after eating dinner? That hit the spot.

Why did the grape win the race? Because it was a quick runner.

Why did the pastor carry a pencil to church? In case he had to draw some conclusions.

Why did the spider go to church? To prey.

Why did the choir buy new robes? Because the old ones were a little hymn-fashionable.

Why do ghosts love to attend church services? They enjoy the spirit-filled atmosphere.

What do you call a spiritual dog? A barking monk.

Why did the priest carry a ladder to church? To reach the higher power.

What do you call a dinosaur reading the Bible? An altar raptor.

Why do vampires never argue with werewolves? They don't want to start a religious war.

Why did the zombie become a preacher? He wanted to spread the good word…brains.

Why was the pastor's garden so healthy? He had great faith in his compost.

What do you call it when a group of apes start a religious movement? Monkey see, monkey guru.

Why did the atheist go to church on Sundays? He heard they had a great non-believer's choir.

Why couldn't the bicycle find eternal peace? It couldn't handle the cycle of life.

What did the priest say to the dessert at the potluck? Let us pray (over) the sweet treats.

Why was the janitor at the church so well-liked? He always cleaned up nice.