I told my dentist I have a sweet tooth. He said, 'I see... just one question, do you floss like you should?'

I tried to change my password to 'titanic', but it said it was too unsinkable.

I asked my landscaper if he could trim the hedges. He replied, 'Sure, do you mind if I leaf a little extra?'

I told my psychiatrist I have a fear of giants. He asked, 'Fee-fi-fo-fum, do you see them on the run?'

I asked the salesperson if the shoes were comfortable. He said, 'Oh, they're a real pain in the toe.'

I told my boss I have a photographic memory. He asked for proof, so I showed him a selfie.

I asked my therapist if she thought I was crazy. She replied, 'I don't think that's for me to say.'

My doctor told me I should watch what I eat. So now I watch cooking shows all day.

I told my colleague I have a lot of experience in procrastination. They said, 'Oh, I'll have to schedule some time to hear about that.'

I asked the chef if the restaurant had clams. He said, 'No, we only have compliments.'

I posted a picture of my new haircut online and someone commented, 'Nice try.'

I asked the optometrist if he could help me see things clearly. He told me to get a pair of glasses.

I told my therapist about my addiction to breaking plates. He asked if I was a good server.

I told my friend I couldn't make it to his party because I'm allergic to fun. He laughed, I sneezed.

I called the police on a book thief. I was told to stop the plot and not get involved.

I asked my neighbor if I could borrow their lawnmower. They just smiled and said, 'No grass for concern.'

I could tell a sodium and hydrogen joke, but NaH.

I'm great at reading books. I just can't seem to put them down.

I told my therapist I have a fear of speed bumps. She told me I'm slowly getting over it.

I asked my cat if he wanted to go outside. He said, 'No thanks, I'm feline lazy.'

I told my coworker I have a fear of elevators. She said I need to take steps to overcome it.