I asked my dad why he carries a ladder in his car. He said, 'In case I get tired of the low life.'

I told my mom I have a fear of scissors. She said I need to cut that fear out of my life.

I asked my doctor if he had a cure for hypochondria. He said, 'I think you're fine.'

I told my friend I have a fear of moving sidewalks. He said I shouldn't let it drag me down.

I asked my boss if he had a spare pen. He said, 'No, I don't keep any pens around here.'

I told my friend I have a fear of fog. He said it's just a mist opportunity to conquer that fear.

I asked my wife why she keeps a ladder by the bed. She said, 'In case our dreams get too high.'

I told my friend I have a fear of earthworms. He said I'm just not grounded enough.

I asked my son why he never throws anything away. He said, 'You never know when you'll need garbage.'

I told my friend I have a fear of mirrors. He said I need to reflect on that fear.

I asked my coworker why she always brings a flashlight to work. She said it sheds light on her bright ideas.

I told my friend I have a fear of moving staircases. He said I just need to step up my game.

I asked the waiter if the restaurant has a microwave. He said, 'We used to, but it had too many heated arguments.'

I told my friend I have a fear of change. He said I need to make a withdrawal from that fear bank.

I asked my wife why she carries a map everywhere. She said, 'I always like to be on the right track.'

I told my friend I have a fear of heights. He said I need to rise above it.

I asked my roommate why the fridge was making so much noise. He said it was going through a rough 'chill' phase.

I asked my friend why he's always late. He said his watch is on Fiji time.

I told my friend I have a fear of soap. He said I need to wash that fear away.

I told my plants they need to grow if they want to live. They're still not cooperating.

I told my friend I have a fear of palindromes. He said 'Racecar.'