I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a ladder and told me to climb up the corporate ladder first.

I asked my plants if they wanted coffee. They said, 'No, we're tea-leaves.'

I asked the weatherman if it was going to rain. He said, 'I don't know, I can't make predictions just like my love life.'

I told my mirror I'm feeling ugly. Now it's reflecting on what it's done.

I told my GPS I wanted to get lost. Now it keeps giving me directions to the nearest Starbucks.

I asked my watch to be more punctual. It said, 'Time will tell.'

I told my phone it needs to stop buzzing. It said, 'I'm just trying to stay connected.'

I tried to get my lamp to lighten up. It said, 'I'm just shedding some light.'

I tried to take a selfie with my shadow, but it kept moving.

I asked my doctor if I should avoid keyboard shortcuts. He said, 'Ctrl+Alt+Del.'

I told my plants they should grow up. Now they won't stop throwing shade.

I asked my cat if he wanted to go on a diet. He said, 'Not a chance, I'm feline fine.'

I asked the weather if it could chill out. It said, 'Cool story, bro.'

I tried to teach my dog to roll over, but he said he's too tired to flip.

I asked my dentist for a refund. He said, 'Sorry, no money back guarantee.'

I asked my mirror for some fashion advice. It said, 'Reflections are subjective.'

I told my car it needs to stop stalling. It replied, 'I'm just taking a break.'

I tried to be a stand-up comedian, but I always ended up sitting down.

I asked my fridge to stop freezing the lettuce. It said, 'Lettuce be real, I'm just doing my job.'

I told my wallet it needs to hold more cash. It said, 'Sorry, I'm feeling a little strapped.'

I asked Siri if she believes in love at first sight. She said, 'I see what you're trying to do.'