I thought about starting a cooking show, but I couldn't handle the heat

I told the mime I needed a good joke. He simply shrugged

I used to be an elevator operator, but I couldn't lift myself up to the challenge

I asked the tailor if he could stitch together a punchline. He said, 'Sew can I.'

I asked the comedian to make me laugh. He said, 'I charge by the giggle.'

People say I have a dry sense of humor, but I think my sense of thirst is even dryer

I told my therapist I have trouble opening up. She recommended a tin opener

I tried to be a vegetarian, but the steaks were too high

I told my friend she should sell her vacuum cleaner. It's just collecting dust

I learned sign language but it was all just hand signals

I told my dentist I needed a crown. They said, 'We're not royalty here.'

I told my phone I needed space. Now it won't stop showing me images of the galaxy

I tried to write a joke about alligators but it was too cheesy

I told my printer I wanted a paper jam. It replied, 'Can't reproduce.'

I tried to become a gardener, but I didn't have the thyme

I asked my computer for a laugh. It said, 'ERROR: Humor not found.'

I told the chef to make me a joke. He said, 'I sauce you a good time.'

I considered becoming a musician, but I didn't see the point. Or the notes

I'm not saying I'm old, but my birth certificate is on papyrus.

I love living paycheck to paycheck. It really keeps me on my toes.

I'm not addicted to chocolate. I just need regular doses to function.