I told my coworker I'm practicing mindfulness. She asked if it helps me deal with our boss.

I tried to start a gardening hobby. Turns out, plants require water and attention.

I told my friend I'm considering a career change. He asked if I've considered winning the lottery instead.

I'm not saying I'm a superhero, but have you seen me and Superman in the same room? Exactly.

My doctor told me I need to exercise. So I got a new prescription for Netflix.

I keep a note on my phone that says 'remind me to write a note'. It never reminds me.

I'm not saying I'm a chef, but I can microwave a mean bowl of instant noodles.

I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a box of raisins and said, 'be grateful'.

I have a photographic memory, but I haven't developed it yet.

I told my mechanic my car makes a weird noise. He said, 'cars make all kinds of noises'.

I don't always watch TV, but when I do, I spend more time browsing Netflix than actually watching.

I went to a seafood restaurant and tried to impress the waiter by ordering everything 'off the hook'. He wasn't amused.

I told my friend I'm training for a marathon. He asked if it's a Netflix marathon.

I told my mom I'm going to become a stand-up comedian. She replied, 'stand up first'.

I tried to make a belt out of wristwatches, but it was a waist of time.

I told my friend I'm going to become a professional pun writer. He said, 'good luck with that'.

I asked the comedian for his best pun. He said, 'I'm gunning for a laugh.'

I told my sister I can beat her in a staring contest. She said, 'You're not seeing the bigger picture.'

I asked my therapist if I need to work on my trust issues. She said, 'Let's not jump to conclusions.'

I told my doctor I have a fear of elevators. He said, 'Well, that's uplifting.'

I asked the butcher if he could make a joke out of sausages. He said, 'I'm the wurst at puns.'