I told my dog I was on a new diet, he gave me a look that said 'Sure, Jan.'

I walked into a pole while texting, now I have a 'Limited Edition' forehead.

I thought I found my soulmate, turns out it was just a reflection.

I wear a Fitbit to count how many times I take a nap.

I told my friends I'm a great singer, they said 'Don't quit your day job.'

I tried to go vegetarian, but my love for bacon had other plans.

I'm like a computer, I only function well after I've had my coffee.

I'm such a bad dancer, I have my own signature move called 'The Awkward Shuffle.'

I'm such a procrastinator, I'll even put off procrastinating.

I'm like a magnet for awkward situations, it's my superpower.

I'm the only person who can break a bone while sitting still.

I'm so clumsy, I trip over my own feet even when I'm sitting down.

My brain is like a bad wifi connection - it takes forever to process information.

I'm so clumsy, I trip over my own insecurities.

I'm not saying I'm insecure, but I worry that even my self-deprecating jokes aren't good enough.

I'm like a plant, I need constant validation to thrive...or at least a good watering every now and then.

I'm not saying I'm awkward, but I just waved goodbye to someone on a Zoom call.

I'm so bad at cooking, I tried making instant noodles and still messed it up.

I tried to learn how to juggle once, but I dropped the ball.

I'm the type of person who trips over nothing and then apologizes to the floor.

I'm so bad at making decisions, I can't even decide if I'm indecisive.