I'm so uncool, my parents still drop me off at the mall.

I'm so bad at singing, I make karaoke sound like a crime against music.

I'm so bad at taking selfies, I always manage to chop off the top of my head.

I'm such a bad singer, I make karaoke sound like a horror movie.

I'm such a bad cook, my microwave is my best friend.

I'm so bad at socializing, even my own shadow ignores me.

I'm so bad at taking selfies, my camera refuses to focus on me.

I'm such a bad dancer, people pay me to stop.

I'm so unathletic, even my Fitbit judges me.

I'm so bad at dating, my love life is a comedy of errors.

I'm so clumsy, I trip over air.

I'm such a terrible dancer, people mistake my moves for interpretive snoozing.

I'm the reason they put 'This product does not work underwater' on shampoo bottles.

I have a DVD collection that is mostly just unwatched documentaries.

I've mastered the art of mistaking strangers for people I know.

I'm as lost as a needle in a tornado when it comes to directions.

My phone battery dies faster than my New Year's resolutions.

I have the social skills of a penguin at a dance party.

I planted a money tree once. It grew plastic quarters.

I always read the 'terms and conditions' because I have nothing better to do with my life.

I'm the reason why they put 'For external use only' on bleach bottles.