I'm the type of person who would trip over a wireless mouse.

I'm the kind of person who trips over nothing and apologizes to the floor.

My plant died of thirst because I forgot to water it... for three months.

I take longer to make a decision than it takes for the ice cream to melt in my hand.

I'm so uncoordinated, I could trip over a wireless network.

I'm like a GPS with a low battery - I give very vague directions.

I have more embarrassing moments than friends on Facebook.

I was born to be wild, but only until 9 PM because then it's bedtime.

I started a new diet where I eat just one chip a day... Most people call it starvation.

I told my therapist about my fear of rejection. She replied, 'Don't worry, I'm not going to reject you... like your last therapist did.'

I asked my mirror who's the fairest of them all, and it laughed so hard, it cracked!

I tried to join a support group for procrastinators, but I just never got around to it.

I decided to take up photography, but my selfies are so bad, they ended up crashing my phone.

I went for a job interview and when they asked me where I saw myself in 5 years, I said, 'Hopefully not still working here.'

I like to think of myself as a mystery novel - confusing, hard to follow, and nobody reads me.

I took a personality test and it came back negative.

I went to a psychic to have my fortune told, and she said, 'It's not looking good... for you.'

I tried to learn a new language, but I couldn't even master my own.

I'm so bad at cooking, that when I tried to make toast, the toaster caught on fire.

I went to a party and someone told me I was the life of it... when I left.

I signed up for a marathon, but then I realized I can't even run a bath.