I’m the life of the party. By that, I mean I’m usually the only one who shows up.

I’m the poster child for Murphy’s Law. If something can go wrong, it will – especially for me.

I’m so accident-prone, the emergency room staff knows me by name.

I’m not just a daydreamer. I’m a full-blown, living-in-my-own-world dreamer.

I’m a master at embarrassing myself. It’s a talent, really.

I’m the awkward turtle of social situations. I’m more likely to hide in my shell than engage in conversation.

I have a terrible memory. I once forgot my own birthday…twice.

I’m such a klutz, I trip over invisible things.

I’m like a human tornado – I leave a trail of destruction wherever I go.

I’m the type of person who would get hit by a parked car.

I’m a walking fashion disaster. I make tie-dye look good.

I’m so disorganized, my life is like a permanent scavenger hunt.

I’m the king of procrastination. I’ll write a to-do list, and then take a nap.

I’m like a ninja – if ninjas were really loud and constantly walking into walls.

I'm so bad at multitasking, I can't even watch TV and listen to music at the same time.

I'm so bad at exercising, I start sweating just thinking about going to the gym.

I'm so bad at socializing, I once tried to hug someone and ended up shaking their hand instead.

I'm so bad at directions, I once used Google Maps to find my own house.

I'm so bad at listening, I thought my friend's cat's name was 'Meow' for a year.

I'm so bad at puns, I once tried to come up with a fish joke but it just floundered.

I'm so bad at dating, I once brought a picture of my cat to a speed dating event.