What did the hot dog say to the bun? 'Stop touching my buns!'

Why did the golfer bring two shirts? In case he got a hole-in-one!

I tried to take a selfie, but I ran out of film!

I used to be a gardener, but I couldn't handle the hoe!

Why did the bench go to therapy? It had too many issues!

I used to be a chef, but I couldn't find the recipe for success!

I used to be a window washer, but I couldn't see myself in that career!

Why did the computer file for the divorce? It had too many cookies!

I used to be an electrician, but I couldn't resist the shock!

What did the math book say to the other math book? 'I've got too many problems!'

I used to be a watchmaker, but I didn't have the time!

What did the stamp say to the letter? 'Stick with me, we'll go places!'

Why did the bald man bring a comb? In case he caught the wind!

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds!

I used to play softball, but then I took a bat to the knee.

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees!

I left my phone on airplane mode for a week and it didn't fly away.

I used to be a circus performer, but I quit when I realized I couldn't juggle the stress.

A man walked into a bar... and forgot to duck.

Did you hear about the guy who fell into an upholstery machine? He's fully recovered.

I accidentally wore my shirt inside out to work today. It was a brief oversight.