I told my computer a joke, but it didn't laugh. It must have had a bad motherboard.

I used to play hide and seek with my toaster. I'd always find it in the bread box.

I'm reading a book on how to avoid procrastination. I'll finish it later.

Why did the snowman bring a tape measure to the party? He wanted to show off his inch of snow.

Why did the jumper go to jail? It was a knit crime.

How does a dog stop a video? He presses paws.

Why did the chicken sit on the egg? Because it was trying to keep it warm.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it ripened in the sun.

What did one hat say to the other hat? You can cover for me.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was the only one in the field.

Why did the pencil go to the party? It wanted to draw attention.

Why did the clock go to the principal's office? It had too many ticks.

Why was the belt not late? Because it always keeps things together.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crumby.

What did the button say to the shirt? Hold on, I'm coming undone.

Why did the broom go to sleep? It was wiped out.

What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!

Why did the tomato get stuck? It was in a jam.

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was too tired to stand.

What did the hat say to the sock? I'll cover your toes.

How did the bee get to work? It took the buzz.