Why couldn't the owl concentrate? It couldn't give a hoot.

What did one ghost say to the other ghost? Get a life.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was too tired.

How does a duck buy lipstick? She puts it on her bill.

What did the paper say to the pencil? Write on!

Why was the bicycle red? It was painted that way.

How many software developers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that's a hardware issue.

What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner's on me.

Why did the hat go to the party? It wanted to make a hat-tastic impression.

How does a skeleton call his friends? On his tele-bone.

What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry? If you weren't so fresh, we wouldn't be in this jam.

What do you call a woodworking dinosaur? Sawdust.

How does a dog stop a video? By pressing the paws button.

Why did the music teacher go to jail? For hitting a sour note.

What did one rock say to the other rock? My sedimental friend.

Why did the umbrella break up with the scarf? They just couldn't weather the storm.

How did the computer catch a virus? It forgot to wear its firewall.

What's the best way to enjoy a baseball game? Just sit back and catch a fly ball.

Why did the bicycle go to the seance? To talk to the other side.

Where did the king keep his armies? In his sleevies.

I saw an apple computer for sale. I thought it was a fruit.