What did the blonde say to the physicist? 'I have mass, I just don't matter.'

How did the blonde try to cook pasta? She put it in the dishwasher on the 'pots and pans' setting.

Why did the blonde take a scale to the gym? To weigh her options.

What did the blonde do when she saw a 'Beware of Dog' sign? She told the dog to 'beware' of her.

Why did the blonde bring a balloon to the bar? She thought it was a 'pop'-ular spot.

How did the blonde try to make a cake? She put the batter in the microwave on 'high' for 30 minutes.

Why did the blonde bring a smartphone to the desert? She heard it had great 'sand' coverage.

What did the blonde do when she saw a sign that said 'No Pets Allowed'? She walked in with her pet rock.

Why did the blonde bring a calendar to the bar? She wanted to 'time' her drinks.

What did the blonde do when she saw a 'Slippery When Wet' sign? She brought her water skis.

Why did the blonde take a ruler to the furniture store? To measure up to the competition.

Why did the blonde bring a sponge to the bar? She heard they were soaking up the 'good times'.

How did the blonde try to improve her hearing? She tried to listen to a book.

Why did the blonde bring a pencil sharpener to the doctor's office? She thought they needed to 'sharpen their pencils'.

What did the blonde do when she ran out of gas? She called for a pizza delivery.

How did the blonde try to catch a fish? She went to the aquarium with a fishing rod.

Why did the blonde bring a chair to the beach? She heard the tide was 'coming in'.

What did the blonde do when she found a genie lamp? She asked for a 'lighter' to find her keys.

Why did the blonde bring a tire to the bar? She heard they were serving up 'spare' ribs.

Why did the blonde take a nap with a ruler? She wanted to measure her dreams.

How did the blonde try to fix her car's flat tire? She filled it with helium.