What do you call a blonde who's lost all her money? A bankrupt.

How did the blonde try to drown a fish? She put it in a snow globe.

What do you call a blonde with a college degree? A greeter at Walmart.

How did the blonde try to kill a bird? She threw it in front of a speeding train and yelled 'Fly!'.

Why did the blonde stare at the calendar for hours? She was waiting for the new year to change.

What did the blonde do when she couldn't find her keys? She called Triple A.

Why did the blonde try to book an appointment at the library? She heard it was an open book.

What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant? She went to look for the 'S' on her ultrasound.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? 'Is it mine?'

Why did the blonde wear a coat in the hot tub? She wanted to keep her Jacuzzi warm.

What did the blonde do when she saw a 'Caution: Wet Paint' sign? She licked it to see if it was really wet.

Why did the blonde try to drown a fish in the aquarium? She thought it was thirsty.

What did the blonde say when she saw a 'No Trespassing' sign? 'Sorry, I can't read that language.'

What did the blonde say when she was asked to make a left turn? 'I only know right turns.'

What did the blonde do when she saw 'No Parking' sign? She parked anyway and left a note saying 'Sorry, I can't read.'

What did the blonde say when she saw a 'Beware of Dog' sign? 'I'm more of a cat person.'

Why did the blonde bring a pencil to the bar? To draw her bar tab.

What did the blonde say when she saw a 'No Trespassing' sign? 'But I just got here!'

Why did the blonde bring a ruler to the bar? To measure the distance to the dance floor.

How did the blonde try to kill a fish? She told it to go play in traffic.

Why did the blonde stare at the calendar for hours? Because she heard time flies.