What's the best way to get over a breakup? A ladder.

Why couldn't the vampire get a girlfriend? He was too draining.

Why was the belt late for work? It got caught up in traffic.

What's the most annoying part about being a ghost? No body to hug.

Why was the physics book falling asleep? It had too much potential energy.

What do you call an illegal immigrant fighting a feminist? Social hand grenade.

Why did the bartender go to therapy? He had too many problems to mix.

Why did the ghost go to the party? To show off his boo-tiful dance moves.

Why don't skeletons fight anymore? They don't have the stomach for it.

How does a penguin fix a broken refrigerator? With igloo tape.

Why did the English teacher carry a red pen? In case they needed to draw some blood.

Why was the ghost arrested? For possession.

I don't have a dark humor joke for you. This joke will self-destruct in 3... 2... 1...

I told my wife she should be more ambitious. She said, 'Why bother? We all end up in the same place.'

Why was the math book feeling down? It had too many issues.

Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He didn't have the stomach for it.

I have a joke about procrastination, but I'll tell you later.

I told my wife she should be more confident. She said, 'Sure, like I have any reason to be.'

Why did the ocean break up with the pond? It wanted to see other bodies of water.

Why did the skeleton feel lonely? It had nobody to hang out with.

I was going to tell a joke about the elevator, but it was an uplifting experience.