I told my therapist that I have a fear of giants. He told me I have a complex.

I told my wife she should try horseback riding to relieve stress. Now she's more stressed than ever after falling off.

The doctor told me I have a split personality. I couldn't believe it.

I went to a funeral the other day. It was so full of life.

I tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building, but I changed my mind at the last minute. It was an edifice complex.

Why did the mathematician break up with his girlfriend? He couldn't handle her imaginary problems.

I told my psychiatrist I was having thoughts of suicide. He charged me double.

I told my wife she should spice things up in the bedroom. Now she's dating a chili farmer.

I asked my girlfriend to tie me up and do anything she wanted. She ended up selling my Xbox.

I told my therapist I was having a hard time coping with my issues. She handed me a tissue and a bill.

I told my wife she should be more experimental in bed. Now she's dating a lab technician.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. My wife says it's the most suspenseful thing in our house.

I asked my dad for his thoughts on existentialism. He replied, 'I think, therefore I'm single.'

I decided to get a tattoo of barbed wire around my bicep. Now I have a permanent reminder of the time I got caught on a fence.

My wife told me I need to be more spontaneous. So I locked her out of the house.

I used to love playing hide and seek with my wife, but now when I hide, she never seeks.

I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone.

I have a split personality. Luckily, she likes me.

I replaced the sugar in my wife's sugar bowl with salt. She's been using it for weeks now...but I'm waiting for the day she asks me to pass her the sugar.

I've been lonely ever since my wife left me. If she could see me now, she'd be rolling in her grave.

My wife challenged me to a water fight. So I turned the hose on her...while she was in the shower.