I asked my therapist for help with my OCD. He organized all my issues into neat little folders.

I asked my therapist for help with my OCD. He suggested I alphabetize my worries.

I asked my wife why she didn't want to be buried in the backyard. She said the neighbors already complain about the noise.

I asked my therapist for help with my OCD. He told me to just take it one step at a time.

I asked my doctor for some anti-depressants. He told me to find a better dealer.

I tried to explain to my therapist that I have a fear of the unknown. He asked me, 'What do you mean?'

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated when I die. She told me I needed to live a little first.

I told my wife she should start a blog. She said she already has one, it's called a divorce papers.

I went to a restaurant with a sign that said 'Breakfast Anytime.' So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time.' So I ordered pancakes during the Italian Renaissance.

I used to be a shoe salesman, but I couldn't fit in the role.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She embraced me.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She embraced the opportunity to divorce me.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She high-fived me.

I tried to have a romantic dinner with my wife, but she complained that the funeral home was not an appropriate venue.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crumbly, just like my life.

I asked my parents for a bike, but they gave me a grave disappointment instead.

I used to be a shoe salesman, but I just couldn't walk a mile in my customers' shoes.

I used to be a baker, but then I realized I kneaded the dough.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest in making money.

My wife told me she'll leave me if I don't stop making jokes about her weight. I said, 'Don't sugarcoat it.'