Why did the lettuce win the race? It was ahead by a head.

Why was the ghost such a hit at the party? He brought the boos.

Why did the scarecrow go to therapy? It was outstanding in its field.

Why did the tomato run away from the fridge? It saw the salad dressing.

Why did the tomato join a band? It wanted to be a little saucy.

Why did the elephant bring a suitcase to the zoo? Because he was ready to pack his trunk.

Why was the broom late? It swept in tardy.

Why did the tomato refuse to jump? It was too squashed.

Why did the peanut go to school? Because it wanted to be a little nutty.

Why did the scarecrow become a successful entrepreneur? He was outstanding in his field.

I told my wife she should try archery. She said, 'I'm already aiming for a divorce.'

I told my wife she should try bowling. She said, 'I'm already in the gutter with you.'

I asked the doctor if I could donate my body to science. He told me to wait until I was done using it.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it. Then I tried skydiving.

I told my wife she should try skydiving. She said, 'I'll jump right on that.'

I got a job at a bakery because they kneaded help. I was a bread-winner.

I used to have a job as a photographer, but couldn't focus on it. Now I'm out of frame.

I have a joke about construction, but I'm still working on building the punchline.

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure. Or maybe I am. Wait, what was the question?

I told my wife she should try aerobics. She said, 'I'm already jumping through hoops for you.'

I told my wife she should try kickboxing. She said, 'I'm more of a pacifist.'