Why did the chicken join a band? It had some killer drumsticks.

I told my wife she should try embracing her mistakes, but she couldn't handle the hugs.

What did the baker do when his bakery burned down? He made doughnuts.

Parallel lines have a lot in common. It's a shame they'll never meet, just like us.

Bob Ross walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender replies, 'Happy little accident, Bob?'

What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain. What do you call a pile of dogs? A rufftain. What do you call a pile of fish? A fishtail.

I used to be a tailor, but I wasn't suited for it. Now I'm just trying to stitch my life together.

I once had a job crushing cans. Unfortunately, it was soda pressing.

My dad is a ghost hunter, but I don't think he's going to find his spirit animal anytime soon.

I saw a cat stuck up in a tree, so I yelled, 'How's the view, scaredy-cat?'

I am reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.

I used to work for a soft drink company, but it was soda pressing.

I took a photo of a dog the other day, it was a dogma.

Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? She was too bookish.

I'm currently reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is about to happen; I can feel it.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won an award? He was outstanding in his field, literally.

Why was the basketball player always cold? Because he kept getting too many turnovers.

What’s the difference between a mailbox and a wedding cake? One is for letters, the other is for better half.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. That was lung day.

I used to play piano by ear, but now I just play by myself.