I finally got around to cleaning my inbox. It was a grave mistake.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She introduced me to her family.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. It's not working. I guess it just blew it.

My wife said I never listen to her. At least that's what I think she said.

I used to be a comedian, but I just couldn't get the timing right.

Why was the mannequin afraid to die? Because she didn't have the guts.

Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a bank.

Why can't skeletons play church music? They don't have any organs.

Why did the coffin join the gym? It wanted a killer body.

Why was the belt arrested? For holding up the wrong pants.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was tired of the drama.

Why was the zombie always calm? He had no body to get nervous.

I have a joke about construction, but it's still under investigation.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a good way to escape our marriage.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She embraced me instead, thinking I was a mistake.

Why was the calendar always nervous? It heard its days were numbered.

Why don't skeletons fight at all? They don't have the stomach for it.

Why don't spiders get stuck in their own webs? They know where they are going.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a huge step towards leaving me.

Why do vampires seem sick? Because they are always coffin.

Why don't ghosts like to go out in the rain? It dampens their spirits.