What do you call a deaf gynecologist? A lip reader.

Why did the blind man fall down the well? Because he couldn't see that well.

How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just beat the room for being dark.

Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he got hit by a bus.

What's more fun than nailing a baby to a wall? Ripping it off.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a human? The mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

How do you fit 100 Jews into a car? Two in the front, three in the back, the rest in the ashtray.

Why do orphans go to church? So they have a chance to be part of a family for a day.

Why did the can crusher quit his job? It was soda-pressing.

Why did the skeleton start a band? Because he had a killer xylophone player.

What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable? Getting them out of the wheelchair.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She was just too tasteless.

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne waits until you're a teenager to come on your face.

Why was the belt locked up? It held up a pair of murder weapons.

How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her.

Why did the therapist break up with the kleptomaniac? They just couldn't work through the stealing.

Why did the sperm cross the road? I put on the wrong sock this morning.

How do you know if someone's a vegan? Don't worry, they'll tell you.

Why did the man break up with his calendar? He realized his days were numbered.

What's the difference between a mosquito and an actor? One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.