I told the zombie to keep his chin up, but he couldn't find it.

Why did the fly never lose a race? It always took off from the start.

Why did the scarecrow become a therapist? It was outstanding at giving counsel.

Why did the clown break up with his girlfriend? She was always juggling too many things.

I used to play hide and seek with my cat. It always finds me... eventually.

I asked the doctor for advice on social distancing. He said to stay at least six feet away from jokes.

Why did the witch go to the therapist? She had too many hexes to deal with.

I told my computer a joke. It laughed so hard, it started buffering.

I told my wife she should train for a marathon. Now she's running away from me.

Why did the ghost join the love triangle? He was looking for a boo-thang.

Why did the coffin break up with the hearse? It wanted a more 'uplifting' relationship.

Why don't vampires go to barbecues? They don't like steak.

I told my therapist I had an urge to break into song and dance. He said, 'Keep it repressed.'

I told my wife she should try a career in comedy. She laughed at me.

I told my wife she should become an archaeologist. She said she couldn't dig it.

Why did the crime scene investigator break up with his girlfriend? She kept leaving his heart in pieces.

I tried to make a joke about sodium... but Na, nobody got it.

Why did the comedian have to go to therapy? He had too many issues.

I told my wife she should take up gardening. Now she's planting evidence everywhere.

Why was the bank so crowded? People were dying to get in.

I tried to become a candle maker, but I couldn't handle the heat.