Why do psychologists prefer cold temperatures? They're used to breaking the ice.

I told my wife she should go bungee jumping to overcome her fear of heights. Now she's gone over the edge.

I asked my wife if she wanted to hear a joke about cliffhangers. She said, 'Don't leave me hanging.'

I told my wife she should embrace her inner child. She hugged the TV remote and demanded Netflix.

I asked my wife if she wanted to hear a joke about curtains. She said, 'I hope it's sheer brilliance.'

I told my wife she should do more squats. Now she pops up in every conversation.

I asked my therapist if my fear of elevators was irrational. He suggested I take steps to avoid them.

I told my wife she should do more gardening to relax. Now she's living life on the hedge.

I told my wife she should do more yoga to relax. Now she's in a downward spiral.

I told my wife that I have a fear of speed bumps, but she thinks I'm just slowly getting over it.

I started a support group for people who have difficulty letting go of the past. It's called Alcoholics Anonymous.

I used to have a job at a karaoke bar, but I got fired for hitting all the wrong notes.

I asked the optometrist if my prescription had changed. He said, 'You've got 2020 vision.'

I told my wife she should try underwater photography. She said she couldn't see herself doing it.

Why did the gardening tool go to therapy? It had deep-rooted issues.

I told my wife she should do more weightlifting. Now she's lifting my wallet.

I asked my wife if she wanted to hear a joke about leeches. She said, 'No, they suck.'

Why did the banker switch careers to become a chef? He wanted to make some dough.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape Colonel Sanders.

I overheard my doctor telling my family that I have a terminal illness. So I told him his bedside manner sucks.

I walked in on my parents playing hide and seek. It's been 15 years and they still haven't found me.