I used to be a chef, but I couldn't handle the heat... or the constant yelling.

Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend? She didn't have the stomach for commitment.

I used to be a plumber, but I couldn't deal with all the crap... literally.

Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the heart for it.

Why did the burglar never burgle on full moons? He preferred darker nights for his crimes.

I used to be an electrician, but I couldn't handle all the shocking experiences.

Why don't skeletons go skydiving? They don't have the guts to jump.

I used to be a magician, but I disappeared after one bad performance.

Why don't skeletons play hide and seek? They're just too good at it.

Why was the vampire always calm? He found peace in the blood of his victims.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? One sucks your blood, the other sucks the life out of you in court.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't stand the heat in the kitchen... or my boss.

What's the difference between a knife and your ex? The knife has a point.

Why don't skeletons go to prom? They have no body to dance with.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't rise to the occasion... or pay off my debts.

Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the backbone for it.

Why did the vampire become a doctor? He wanted to help others suck blood responsibly.

I used to be a banker, but I lost interest... along with all my savings.

Why don't skeletons climb mountains? They don't have the guts.

What's the difference between your job and a cemetery? At least the cemetery has its residents lying down.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape the slaughterhouse.