Why do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? They don't like working in the daylight.

I asked the magician if he could make my ex disappear. He said, 'Sure, that'll be $50.'

I heard a great joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

I invited my ex to my knife throwing act. I really miss hitting the target.

Why did the lawyer go broke? He lost his appeal.

I told my wife she should take up boxing. She already fights with me every day.

Why couldn't the zombie get a loan? He had no body to co-sign.

I saw a ghost in my window. Or maybe it was just a reflection... Either way, I'm moving out.

I asked the psychic for her rates. She said, 'That'll be half off, plus tax.'

I told my wife she should do sit ups. She said, 'Why? Do they smell bad?'

I asked my doctor if I'm allergic to peanuts. He said, 'Let's find out,' and threw a bag at me.

I told my wife she should try skydiving. She said, 'I'd rather not let gravity have all the fun.'

Why did the ghost go to the party? He heard it was gonna be a scream.

I told my therapist about my childhood fear of ghosts. He had me facing my demons.

I asked my date if she wanted to play doctor. She said, 'No, but I'll play the surgeon who leaves a sponge inside you.'

Why did the zombie get good grades in school? He had a lot of braaains.

I joined the cult of procrastination. We'll get to the initiation ceremony eventually.

I tried to flirt with Death, but he ghosted me.

I told my girlfriend she should be more like a newspaper. She said, 'Why? So you can read me and throw me away?'

I asked the genie for a long-term relationship. He turned me into a time-traveler.

I told the police I had proof of a conspiracy. They said I had been watching too many crime documentaries.