What's the difference between a singer and a dentist? One mumbles while they work, the other fumbles while they smirk.

Why do mathematicians never get lost? They always find x.

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled under by a strong currant.

I had a joke about a boomerang, but it didn't come back to me.

Why did the skeleton go to prom alone? He couldn't find any 'body' to dance with.

I asked my boss if I could take a day off for my mental health. He told me to get back to work or I'll need mental health days.

Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He always had a strong 'brain' game.

I asked the baker if he could make me a coffin-shaped cake. He said he'd need a 'small fortune.'

Why did the ghost break up with his girlfriend? He needed some space.

I asked the doctor for some peace and quiet. He gave me a prescription for silence.

I told my wife she should embrace her flaws. She gave me a list.

I asked the fortune teller about my future. She said, 'You don't have one.'

Why was the calendar always sad? It had too many days.

What's the worst thing about ancient history class? The teachers tend to babble on.

I called the police on my neighbor for playing loud music. They arrested me for breaking and entering.

Why do graveyards have fences around them? People are dying to get in.

I told my wife she should learn to juggle. She said she needs to balance her priorities first.

What's the hardest part about eating vegetables? The wheelchair.

I introduced my girlfriend to my imaginary friend. Now they're both ignoring me.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She always wanted a little snack.

I asked my boss if I can take a mental health day. He told me I need a mental health year.