I asked the doctor to clone me. He said, 'Sorry, we don’t do retakes.'

I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen... I can feel it.

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

I told my wife she should try skydiving. She said, 'But I'm afraid of heights.' I replied, 'Don't worry, it's a quick way to overcome your fear.'

My friend told me he dug a hole in the garden and buried his goldfish. I said, 'What a waste of time.'

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? He found her a little hard to swallow.

I told my therapist I had a fear of giants. She said, 'Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum, I sense a tall tale here.'

I asked my friend if he wanted to play hide and seek. He said, 'Sure, I'll go hide in the cemetery.'

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his casket.

I love telling jokes about elevators. They have their ups and downs.

Why did the mannequin go to therapy? It had too many body issues.

Why was the cemetery so noisy? People were dying to get in.

I told my wife she should try stand-up comedy. She said, 'I prefer lying down.'

Why did the murderer join a spelling bee? He wanted to spell his crime correctly.

I asked the undertaker if he could help me with my taxes. He said, 'I can bury your deductions.'

I asked the doctor if he could help me stop being afraid of ghosts. He replied, 'Sorry, that's a grave matter.'

I told my wife she should try skydiving to overcome her fear of heights. She said, 'I'll drop it.'

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? He found her a bit tasteless.

Why did the necrophiliac break up with his girlfriend? She was too cold-hearted.

I asked my grandma if she ever tried online dating. She replied, 'I prefer grave encounters.'

Why was the cemetery so popular? People were dying to get in.