Why did the little girl bring a ladder to the playground? She wanted to go to the next level.

Why did the vampire open a blood bank? He needed liquid assets.

Why did the clown go to therapy? He had some serious childhood issues.

I asked the morgue worker if he wanted to hang out. He replied, 'I'm all tied up.'

Why did the zombie delete all his social media accounts? He was tired of being unfriended.

I tried to make a joke about the electric chair, but it didn't have enough voltage.

I told my girlfriend she should try bungee jumping to conquer her fear of commitment. She said, 'Not ready to take the plunge.'

Why did the serial killer bring a ladder to the crime scene? He wanted to raise the stakes.

I asked the coroner if he ever had second thoughts about his job. He replied, 'The dead don't judge.'

Why did the computer go to therapy? It had too many viruses.

I asked the undertaker if he was tired of his job. He said, 'Not at all, it's always a dead end.'

My wife said to me, 'I'm pregnant.' I said, 'Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad.' She hasn't spoken to me since.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She didn't taste good.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She said, 'Sure, get dressed up, we're going out.'

I tried to donate blood, but they said they couldn't find any.

I found out that my toaster isn't waterproof. Now I only have a shallow toaster.

I told my wife she was like a sister to me. She said, 'That's okay, we can still have kids.'

I tried to order a book about suicide online, but the website kept telling me to hang in there.

Why did the pessimist bring a flashlight to the funeral? He wanted to look on the bright side.

I asked the psychic if she could see my future. She said, 'Yes, it's looking pretty grim.'

I told my wife I wanted to die peacefully in my sleep. She said, 'Honey, you'll have to choose one or the other.'