Why did the orphan go to school early? So he could eat the breakfast.

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said she wanted a divorce. I wasn't expecting that, I mean, I thought she'd say a car or a vacation.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

I have a joke on COVID-19, but 99.7% of you won't get it.

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright.

My wife is on a seafood diet. Every time she sees food, she eats it.

Why do skeletons make bad boxers? They can't take a punch.

I once knew a guy who was addicted to brake fluid. He said he could stop anytime.

Why did the scarecrow go to therapy? He had a fear of commitment.

What did the dog say to the tree? Bark.

Why did the lawyer go to the Halloween party? He heard they were serving legal spirits.

Why did the clown go to jail? He was caught juggling the books for a crime syndicate.

Why did the zombie break up with his girlfriend? She wasn't his type, she wasn't decomposed enough.

It's a scary world we live in. I don't even trust my own shadow anymore, it's been following me too closely.

I asked the doctor if there was anything he could do about my fear of the dark. He turned off the lights and charged me $500.

I told my therapist I was having dark thoughts. She said, 'Turn off the lights and they'll go away.'

I tried to make a dark humor joke about Chernobyl, but it went over everyone's heads.

I have a dark sense of humor, like a black hole. Once you get sucked in, there's no escaping.

Everyone says I have a twisted sense of humor. I prefer to call it 'dark mode'.

I told my friend a dark joke about death. He didn't laugh, so I guess it died on arrival.

I asked my dad for his best dark joke. He replied, 'My life'.