I asked the librarian if they had any books on censorship. She said it was a banned topic.

I wrote a song about tortillas, actually it's more of a rap.

Why did the zombie go to school? To improve his brain food.

I told my wife she should learn to embrace her mistakes. She said, 'I already do, I married you.'

Why did the vampire get a job as a night guard? It was an opportunity to sink his teeth into a new career.

Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the blood of its salad brethren.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She didn't have the right taste.

Why did the scarecrow join a dating app? He wanted someone who would stick by him through thick and thin.

Why did the chicken become a stand-up comedian? Because he had a lot of fowl jokes.

Why did the grammarian go to the therapist? He couldn't stop over-analyzing everything.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated when I die. She said she wants to be buried. Looks like we're headed for a heated argument.

I tripped on my wife's bra. It was a booby trap.

I have a joke about construction, but I’m still building it up.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

I asked the waiter for a doggy bag, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t have a doggy when I saw it on the menu.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field—until the crows came.

I told my wife she should learn to embrace her mistakes. She promised to smother them with love.

I have a joke about construction, but I’m still building up to it. Just like the skyscrapers in my city.

I used to be a baker, but then I lost interest. Now I just loaf around.

My girlfriend told me to stop playing Wonderwall on guitar. I said maybe.