Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picky about his nose.

Why did the lawyer carry a briefcase to work? In case he needed to sue-sue.

Why did the vampire open a blood bank? He always wanted some liquid assets.

Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants filled with evidence.

Why was the stadium so cool? It was filled with fans.

Why did the computer catch a cold? It had a virus!

Why was the zombie always invited to the party? He was a real 'dead' ringer for fun.

Why was the gunshot wound killer really good at basketball? He had a perfect shot.

I tried to tell my wife a joke about bones, but she didn't find it very 'humorous'.

Why don't zombies like fishing? They already have their 'catch' of the day.

Why did the vampire open a blood bank? For liquid assets.

My wife asked me why I always make jokes about death. I told her, 'It's the only thing that ever 'kills' with laughter.'

Why did the undertaker become a stand-up comedian? He was tired of 'dead' audiences.

Why was the zombie bad at dancing? He had two left 'feet'.

Why don't ghosts ever get rid of their old furniture? They're afraid of 'ex-scare-strained' ghosts.

Why did the potion maker break up with his girlfriend? She was a real 'hex' on his love life.

My wife asked me if I wanted to play 'murder mystery' games. I said, 'We already are.'

Why don't zombies ever go to the gym? They're already 'dead' lifting.

Why did the vampire become a flight attendant? He heard they had great 'neck' pillows.

I walked in on my wife reading horoscopes and asked her what she was doing. She replied, 'I'm just 'stargazing'.

Why did the necrophiliac never get invited to family reunions? He always brought 'dead' weight.