Why did the potion maker become a bartender? He knew how to mix up a 'spell-binding' drink.

Why don't ghosts ever ride in elevators? They're afraid of getting to the 'dead' end.

Why did the zombie go broke? He was 'un-living' beyond his means.

Why did the vampire open a clothing store? He heard it was a 'grave' business venture.

Why did the necrophiliac go to the pet store? He was looking for a 'dead' bird.

Why did the vampire become a fashion designer? He had great 'bite' sense.

Why did the zombie join the auction house? He was 'dead' set on making a purchase.

I asked the librarian if she had any books on advanced decomposition. She said they were on the shelf behind me.

I told my wife she should embrace her inner demons. She hugged me tight, then whispered 'your turn'.

Why couldn't the skeleton play church music? He had no organs.

My wife told me she wants to be cremated. I told her I'd rather be buried alive than face the process of organizing that.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She didn't tick all the boxes on his taste buds.

I used to work in a morgue, but I didn't have the stomach for it.

Why did the possessed doll go to therapy? To exorcise her inner demons.

My wife asked me if I would still love her if she turned into a zombie. I said, 'Don't worry, I've always liked you for your brains.'

I tried to tell my wife a joke about a graveyard, but it died before I could finish.

Why was the coffin cold? It left the pallbearers out in the cold.

My wife told me to stop trying to make a joke out of everything morbid. I told her that's just how I hearse things.

Why was the mortician so good at poker? He always had a great poker face.

I walked in on my wife embalming a body and asked her what she was doing. She replied, 'Just stiffening my competition.'

My wife asked me how I cope with my fear of death. I said, 'I don't. I'm just dying inside.'