Why couldn't the skeleton go to the party? He had nobody to go with.

I tried to write a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I told my psychiatrist I was having thoughts of suicide. He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

I like my coffee like I like my war... Cold.

I like my women like I like my wine... Locked in the basement.

Why did the baker go to therapy? He kneaded some help.

If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

I'm not a fan of cemetery puns. They're just dead boring.

I don't need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me up.

I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I like my doctors like I like my bananas... Unpeeled.

I asked the doctor if he could help me with my fear of ghosts. He said, 'Get a grip, they're all in your head.'

I told my computer I needed a break, so it gave me a Kit Kat.

I have a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my baggage. But I lost my case.

I used to work at a photography studio, but I couldn't focus on the job.

Why did the sea monster break up with his girlfriend? She wanted more space in their relationship.

I asked my wife if she wanted to hear a joke about the dark web. She said, 'I prefer a lighter topic.'

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? They needed space in their relationship.

I used to be a tailor, but I couldn't sew my life back together.

Why did the vampire become a chef? He wanted to work with rare stakes.