Why did the mathematician break up with his girlfriend? She was too complex for him.

Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants that were caught in a heist.

I asked my wife why she never blinks during foreplay. She said she doesn't have time to miss all the warning signs.

Why did the baker have brown hands? He kneaded a poo.

I asked the doctor if he had anything for my fear of speed bumps. He said he could slow it down for me.

My wife told me she wants to be cremated. After spending so much time together, I guess she just wants some space.

My wife left me because of my obsession with anti-aging creams. I guess she couldn't handle the wrinkles.

Why was the belt sent to prison? For holding up a pair of pants.

Why don't serial killers eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

If you boil a funny bone, do you get a laughing stock?

Why was the girl ghost boo-tiful? Because she had a haunting smile.

Why did the zombie go to the party? He heard they were having a killer time.

Why did the vampire get a part-time job at the blood bank? It let him work night shifts.

Why was the ghost such a messy eater? He always went straight for the ghouls.

Why did the zombie break up with his girlfriend? He found her a little too clingy.

Why did the vampire get fired from his job as a dentist? He kept making his patients lose too much blood.

Why did the coffin go to the doctor? It had a coffin cold.

Why did the vampire need mouthwash? He had bat breath.

Why did the mosquito go to school? He wanted to be a fly on the wall.

What did the axe murderer say to the barber? 'Just a little off the top, please.'

Why did the serial killer retire? He had too many skeletons in his closet.