Why did the wizard break up with his witch girlfriend? She kept putting spells on him.

Why did the coffin go to the doctor? It was having a coffin fit.

Why do vampires brush their teeth three times a day? To prevent bat breath.

How does a ghost like his coffee? With just a little scream and sugar.

Why did the vampire get hired as a dentist? He had a lot of bite experience.

I asked my doctor why my heart was racing. He said, 'You forgot to take me out of your basement.'

I told my wife I wanted a more exciting sex life. She told me to try necrophilia.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She was always asking for a bite of his food.

I tried to donate blood, but they said I had too many antibodies. I guess my body is just too opinionated.

Why did the ghost go to the barbeque? He heard it was dead meat night.

I told my therapist I have a fear of death. He replied, 'Don't worry, it's the only thing you'll ever get over.'

Why did the hitman take up gardening? He wanted a new way to bury his problems.

I tried to tell my wife a joke about death, but she told me it was a grave situation.

Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank? It was a good way to make a living.

I tried to join the zombie apocalypse, but they said they were full. Guess I'll have to wait my turn to come back from the dead.

Why did the morgue have such good security? They always lock things down tight.

I told my wife I wanted to be an organ donor. She said, 'Sure, you've never used them anyway.'

I told my therapist about my fear of dying alone. She replied, 'Don't worry, eventually everyone dies with someone.'

Why did the skeleton bring a ladder to the party? He heard the drinks were on the house.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. Turns out it was a brief case of mistaken identity.

I asked the coroner how he stays so calm during autopsies. He said, 'I always keep a cool head.'