Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of boats? Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be on the boat.

I used to be a chef, but I couldn't handle the heat in more ways than one.

I used to be a fisherman, but all I caught were red herrings.

What did the grape say after it was stepped on? Nothing, it just poured out a little wine.

Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue? He heard they had ribs to spare.

Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boos, but it got scared away.

Why did the chicken go to the seance? To contact the other side and ask why it crossed the road.

I used to be a shoemaker, but I lost my footing in the industry.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was too exhausted from all that riding.

Why did the scarecrow become a musician? It was outstanding in its field of rhythm.

I used to be a gardener, but all my plants turned out to be succulents.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because it was a real stand-up guy.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was too wheely tired.

Why did the scarecrow become a therapist? It was outstanding in dealing with corny jokes.

I used to be a shoemaker, but I lost my footing.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She said she couldn't handle the ashes.

I told my wife she should do more push-ups. Now she's pushing me away.

Why did the scarecrow become a therapist? It was outstanding in dealing with corn.

I asked my wife if she wanted to hear a joke about the brain. She said she already had enough on her mind.

Why did the ghost go to the party alone? It had no body to go with.

Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue? He heard they had spare ribs.