I used to play hide and seek with my blanket. Now it wants to play hide and sleep.

I'm friends with a mathematician who is terrible at geometry. He just can't seem to get a point.

I'm friends with elevators because they always bring me up when I'm feeling down.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me two thumbs up.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a wink and a smile.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a smile and said, 'You're right.'

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a double thumbs up and a hug.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a tip of the hat.

My wife asked me if I think she's getting too reliant on technology. I said 'No, your iPhone is a great tool.'

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a slow clap.

My wife told me I should watch my drinking. I bought a mirror.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a salute.

My wife told me to stop juggling and start taking things seriously. It was a tough act to follow.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a golf clap.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a mic drop.

My wife told me I should start washing dishes by hand instead of using the dishwasher. I said 'That's a tough pill to swallow.'

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a nod of approval.

My wife asked me if I think she's becoming forgetful. I said 'Wait, what was the question?'

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a drumroll.

I told my computer to stop singing, but it couldn't CTRL.

I told my computer I wanted to go fishing, now it keeps sending me phishing emails.