I asked my computer to make me a sandwich, but it kept telling me 'ERROR: Bread not found.'

My fake plant died because I didn't pretend to water it.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because they're not bay-gulls!

My cat was just sick on my laptop, now it's feline weird.

I'm friends with all the planets except for Neptune, it's too far out.

My cat was just sick on my bed, it's purr-sonal.

I'm friends with all letters of the alphabet, but I'm not a big fan of Z.

I'm friends with all the planets except for Mars, it's too red.

I used to play piano, now I stay out of treble.

Why does a bike stand up by itself? Because it's two-tired.

Why did the physics teacher break up with the history teacher? They had no future.

Why can't you trust a staircase? They're always up to something.

Why did the scientist take out a musical instrument? To conduct an experiment.

Why did the forest break the rules? It tested boundaries.

Why did the gift card go to therapy? Because it had too many issues.

Why did the shoe become an artist? It knew how to draw attention.

Why did the scientist always carry a pencil? In case they needed to draw a conclusion.

What's a firefighter's favorite type of math? Fire-algebra.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't find the crust to keep going.

I'm friends with every page in the dictionary, but we're not on the same page.

I'm friends with all the colors of the rainbow, but I can never pick a favorite.