My girlfriend told me to stop impersonating flamingos. I had to put my foot down.

I used to be a baker, but now I just make bread for the dough.

Shoutout to people who don't know the opposite of in.

I told my landlord I had mice in my apartment. He told me they're landlords, not micelords.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't bake the pressure.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't bake it till I make it.

I told my wife she should do jumping squats to stay in shape- she said it was over her head.

I told my wife she should do deadlifts to stay in shape - she said that joke was getting old.

I told my wife she should do sprints to stay in shape - she's always running late anyway.

I told my wife she should do HIIT to stay in shape - she said it was too intense.

I told my wife she should do pilates to stay in shape - she stretched the truth.

I told my wife she should do planks to stay in shape - she walked away.

I told my wife she should do cardio to stay in shape - she skipped a beat.

I told my wife she should do pull-ups to stay in shape - she raised the bar.

I told my computer it needed to reboot, now it's dressed in boots.

I told my wife she should dance to stay in shape - she waltzed away.

I told my computer it needed fresh air, now it's surfing the web.

I told my wife she should swim to stay in shape - now she's in hot water.

I told my computer it needed a memory upgrade, now it won't stop reminiscing.

I told my computer it needed to chill out, now it's frozen.

I told my wife she should run to stay in shape - she replied, 'I'm running late.'